JOKeS

 

Microsoft Thinks of Everything

 

Recently got an email from Microsoft Insider Update. One of the items in there was a link to a web page with the following suggestions:


 

Getting hitched? Get organized with Office XP
Preparing for a wedding can be a stressful time. But with a little help from
the Crabby Office Lady and Microsoft Office XP, you can get a handle on your
ever-growing to-do lists, plan a realistic budget, and even create an online
photo album and scrapbook.

 

  

 
I have a friend who is getting married soon, so I clicked on the link to see if it was something she could use. I read all the way down, and it was the usual mailing lists, gift registry, etc. Then at the very end, I saw:


 

More information
- Various wedding templates
- Petition for simplified divorce

 

  

 
Hmmm... Microsoft thinks of everything, don't they?

Metal Storm

 

A snippet from an IM conversation that my brother Ken had over the Metal Storm electronically-fired munitions Technology:


Ted: Not sure I'd trust an electronic gun in battlefield conditions.
Ken: Same was said about the musket...
Ted: And you saw what happened to the British
Ken: Bad teeth?
Ted: Exactly
Ken: Whoa....

 Redneck morals

 

The out-of-state couple are camping on the shores of a lake near a tiny hamlet. The young wife, stunningly built, decides to give the local town folk a thrill by sun bathing in the nude.

"That's OK with me, honey," says her husband. "I'll go get some wood for the fire."

About thirty minutes later, the husband returns to the campsite and finds his wife in tears. One of her breasts has been painted green, the other red and her ass is blue.

"What on earth happened to you dear?" he asks.

"Some of those rednecks from town came over and told me they don't allow any nakedness around these parts. Then they gave me this paint job!"

"Damn those trouble-makers! I'll fix them!" the husband shouts.

He rides into town and finds the rednecks in a bar.

"Who is the SOB who painted my wife red, green and blue!" he shouts.

A huge redneck, about 6'-8," steps forward, a shotgun in his hands. "I did it," he bellows. "What you got to say about it?"

The husband answers meekly, "I just wanted you to know the first coat of paint is dry."

A hard offense or a tight defense

Driving home this evening I heard on the local radio station that the NFL has signed a new 3 year marketing deal with a pharmaceutical company that is about to introduce a new pill that competes with Viagra. The report went on to explain how this is the first drug company to ever enter into a deal with the NFL, who has always fought hard to maintain a drug-free image, especially when it comes to steroids and other drugs that can enhance muscle mass, etc.

Does this mean the NFL is going to redefine what it considers to be a "performance enhancing" drug?

[Note - well, football *is*, after all, a game of inches - ed.]

 

HOME